How To Be Cheeky, But Useful Like “Thomas The Tank Engine” When Your Child Is Sick:

Cheeky Sickly ThomasMy 17-month-old son came down with a fever the other night which lasted through the next day.  As a result, I needed to become an especially useful dad.  I shunted the little guy around the house all day and orchestrated the following activities which he found soothing:

  1. Watching several episodes of “Thomas the Tank Engine” and excitedly singing the theme song.
  2. Periodically hoisting the little guy up to the Christmas tree to locate Santa, various birds, and “son” ornaments (circa 1978-now provided by my loving mother).
  3. Reading Dr. Seuss’s “The Eye Book” as he happily exclaimed “eye, eye, eye”.
  4. Playing the intro of “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne to see if I could get my son to continue saying “eye, eye, eye” at the correct times.
  5. Throwing squishy balls off the wall, gathering them, and throwing them again.
  6. Putting hats on and taking them off.

Cheekiness was required for the following:

  1. Attempting to convince my son that Tylenol is a tasty treat. “Yum, yum, yum! Daddy loves to sip liquid Tylenol too! It’s my favorite gelatinous treat!”
  2. Trying to fool him into thinking we were singing another round of the “Thomas” theme song as I maneuvered a thermometer into his anus.

I discovered that when your child is sick it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you’re putting your heart into it.  Exception to this comes when insertion of thermometers into anuses is required.  Despite your level of cheekiness, there’s not much you can do to make this a joyous event.